Relationships of any kind will have their share of problems and disagreements. The people involved enter the relationship with a history of events and experiences that colour how they show up in their relationships with others. One such type of relationship is with your in-laws and extended family. For several couples, it can be challenging to learn to build a relationship with their in-laws.
There are many factors that are present which affect the relational dynamics, especially among in-laws and extended families. Constant fights and frequent disputes can be emotionally exhausting. You might be concerned about what your in-laws will think or how they will react to certain situations. Issues with in-laws and extended family can also impact the foundation of a couple’s relationship.
Not all in-laws or extended family are ready and willing to be open and welcoming to new members of the family. But here are a few ways in which you can connect with your in-laws and extended family members while setting healthy boundaries.
Address the Problem
Start with addressing the issues and setting boundaries. Are they belittling you? Do they interfere with your personal matters? Do they try to assert control over your partner? The sooner you address the problem, the sooner you can start creating solutions that feel right for you and your partner.
Talk to Your Partner
Talk to your partner. Having open and honest communication about the issues and what’s bothering you can help you problem solve together, and gain the support you need to tackle the issues.
Try to Understand Their Feelings
Problems often arise due to miscommunication. Before you set some firm boundaries, talk to your in-laws and ask them whether they feel unheard or ignored. You will get to see their point of view on the situation, which might help you both to reestablish a new pattern and better communication.
Don’t Lash Out at Your Partner
If your in-laws or extended family members overstep their boundaries, don’t immediately direct the anger toward your partner. Yes it can be frustrating, but they might not be aware of the problem. Unleashing your anger toward your partner can result in their defensiveness toward their family. Instead, discuss the problem with your partner about setting strong boundaries with your in-laws. In fact, your partner might even want to help you do so. If your partner is unsupportive, that’s another issue. Express your hurt and your needs, and evaluate based on their response.
Limit Your Interaction
Families will always have disagreements, but problems arise when we feel disrespected or not included. If you have expressed your concerns but the relational patterns have not changed, you may want to consider limiting your interactions with them. Only you know what you are willing to accept or not, and how those interactions make you feel. You may not be able to cut off all interaction, but you can choose which events you attend, how much time you spend with them, and how much you give.
At Onyx Counselling and Psychotherapy, we provide a safe place and a supportive community for marriage counselling, couples therapy and family therapy. Our certified counsellors and psychologists can help you navigate relational issues and conflicts. Schedule an appointment with us today.
