The idea of talking to young teens about sexuality might seem a little overwhelming, or even uncomfortable. Unfortunately, those are some of the reasons why parents and mentors put off the important conversations.
The reality is, it won’t take long for those teens to learn about sexuality from somewhere else. It might be from a group of friends or social media influencers, or they might seek out information themselves and end up getting misled.
There’s no doubt that talking to young people about sexuality is a big task. It’s important. But when they hear it from you, you know they’re getting the right information. It also opens up a dialogue that will allow them to come to you with questions or concerns as they get older and start to understand and explore new things.
So, what’s the best way to approach it? How can you talk with the teenager in your life about sexuality?
Find the Right Moment
There are plenty of old stereotypes about sitting down to have “the talk” with your teen. Those tropes should stay in the past for several reasons. First, scheduling a set time to talk to your teen about sex might be overwhelming and uncomfortable for both of you.
Instead, find the right moment. Maybe something sexual comes up in a song or TV show you’re enjoying together. Use it as an opportunity to educate. You might be surprised by what sparks a conversation and how you can use what your teen sees every day to educate them on the reality of things.
Additionally, don’t make the “sex talk” a one-and-done conversation. It should be something that’s ongoing between you and your teen. You won’t be able to cover everything in one fell swoop. Make sure they know you’re ready and willing to be a source of information, and that they can come to you with questions without having to feel uncomfortable.
Be Honest and Direct
You don’t have to use metaphors like the “birds and the bees” when it comes to talking to your teen about sexuality. Be honest, straightforward, and direct. Obviously, it’s important to cover subjects with age-appropriate language and ideas in mind. But you don’t have to sugar-coat things.
Maybe your teen isn’t even interested in exploring sexual intercourse, but they’re struggling with their own sexual identity or questioning what certain things might mean. Try to think about things from their point of view before you respond to any questions or offer advice. Teenagers go through a lot of changes, and it can be a confusing and frustrating time of life. Think about how you would have wanted someone to talk to you about those subjects when you were young, and grant that to your teen.
Go Beyond Basic Facts
Anyone can explain how sex works and dive into the scientific nature of sexuality. It’s important for your teen to know those things and to understand basic biology and anatomy. However, they’re undoubtedly going to have questions and curiosities that go beyond the basics.
Be prepared for that.
Again, be willing to put yourself in their shoes and dig into those curiosities with practical, realistic advice. As you do, provide information with your teen’s well-being in mind. The most important thing for them, at this point, is to know how to stay safe and healthy. When you talk about sexuality with that approach, they’re more likely to understand what sexual health looks like, and how to prioritize it.
While talking to young teens about sexuality might not initially be at the top of your list of things you want to do, it’s important. Take the time to talk to your teen before someone else does.
