There are many obvious reasons why you and your partner are not having sex lately. For example, having young children in the house, busy schedules, or working many hours can put a damper on intimacy for a while. Typically, when the stress-inducing factor has eased, your libido kicks back in. But what about those times when there’s no palpable explanation for a lack of interest in sex?
As you’re about to see, several possible explanations exist for such a scenario. Many of these explanations can be challenging to discern. Therefore, in the name of shining a light on a very common concern, let’s take a closer look.
For Starters, What is a Lack of Interest in Sex?
Since no two people have the same sex drive, this is a very subjective question. In the eyes of one person, you might be deemed to have a low libido. Meanwhile, another person could view you as very sexual. This post is not about each individual’s personal preferences. Rather, it takes a relative perspective.
Taking into account what has felt normal for you and your partner, has something changed? Is one or both of you suddenly showing less desire for intimacy? If so, this would qualify as a lack of interest in sex for your situation. Again, this can happen due to factors like:
- Busy schedules
- Lack of privacy
- Marital strife
- External stressors
- Medication side effects
- Dealing with a crisis in your lives
- Aging
Of course, underlying causes can be harder to identify, e.g.:
- Mental health issues like anxiety
- An inability to get aroused
- Hormonal changes
- Medical issues
2 Factors That Can Make It Appear That Low Libido is the Issue
- Unrealistic Expectations
Cultural standards can be daunting — especially in the digital age. From social media to easily accessible porn, we’ve lost touch with the need to express intimacy in our own way. We can wind up feeling guilty or ashamed when our bodies don’t look “perfect”, or our sex life isn’t as adventurous as what we are viewing on a screen.
- Incompatibility
Everyone experiences sex differently, and such preferences are ever-evolving. Without steady, healthy communication, you can misunderstand what’s happening. For example, one partner might be spontaneous while the other is responsive. Unless a couple is self-aware, this can feel like an insurmountable obstacle.
Addressing a Lack of Interest in Sex
Again, communication is key. Don’t let resentment or shame fester. Talking openly about your feelings and perceptions is a proven path toward resolution. Upgrade your communication skills and watch your bond deepen.
Other steps to consider:
- Sexual health is just as important as physical and mental health. Yet, it’s a taboo subject for many.
- Don’t immediately assume the worst. Trust each other to identify and resolve the issue.
- Talk to your doctor, and if either of you take medications, learn more about their side effects.
- Accept that everyone’s sex drive will fluctuate across their lifetime.
- Become more actively romantic to build intimacy and connection, e.g., love notes, date nights, and putting away your phones to give each other your full attention.
- Remember that “sex” means much more than one particular act. Talk about your fantasies, desires, and pleasure. Keep learning about each other’s wants and needs.
- Take care of yourself. A daily self-care regimen helps to safeguard your mental and physical well-being — and your sexual health, too!
Connect With a Trained Professional
If you’ve tried all of the above and still feel confused, there could be deeply rooted emotional issues to address. The primary cause of low libido could be more about something that happened in the past. So, before you jump to conclusions about your relationship’s sustainability, look into couples therapy or individual therapy. In this setting, an unbiased guide can help you make much-needed connections about the patterns that currently have you stuck.
If you would like to improve intimacy and connection in your relationship, reach out to our office. Our skilled and competent team of therapists can offer support.
