If you were asked to name all the attributes you desire in a partner, where would validating appear on your list? Would it even be included? You see, plenty of folks will justifiably talk about trust, honesty, open-mindedness, and more. But there’s just not enough conversation about the art of acknowledgment. This goes further than being nice or polite. Appreciation and validation are essential characteristics that can bond two people into a couple.
It’s not realistic to expect everyone to think your words, thoughts, and emotions are important. However, this is absolutely crucial when it comes to partners. Let’s take a closer look.
What Do Validation and Invalidation Look Like in a Relationship?
No one wants to feel downplayed or dismissed. It’s not egotistical to seek a partner who makes you feel heard, understood, and valued. When it comes to relationships, it’s normal to want to feel understood. This isn’t to say that couples must always agree. Rather, the goal is to feel valued whether you agree or not. Your opinions and feelings matter and are taken seriously.
On the other hand, when a partner is invalidating, it feels like a judgment or rejection. This can happen intentionally or unintentionally, but either way, it lays a foundation for disrespect, hurt, and discord. If either partner feels like their needs are being mocked, minimized, or ignored, a sense of emotional distance or emotional wound can begin to form. Again, validation is not about pretending to always be on the same page. It’s much more profound. To validate your partner in times of conflict is a sign of a deep emotional connection.
3 Ways the Art of Acknowledgment and Appreciation Matter in a Relationship
- Building Trust
The world can be a cruel place — especially the online world. It can feel daunting to share or be vulnerable. Therefore, it’s incredibly powerful for partners to create a safe, stress-free space for open discussions. In the process, they build the kind of deep trust that buoy them during tough times. - Developing Greater Understanding
When you remain curious, you can learn so much about your partner — and yourself. Dismissing any opinion as unworthy of your attention is a proven path toward close-mindedness. When couples validate each other, they are positioned to have sincere exchanges that can enlighten both. - Fostering Healthy Communication
As touched on in #1 above, validation helps during conflict. It fosters the kind of healthy, respectful communication that reduces emotional reactions.
How to Validate Your Partner
Step One: Active Listening
This step is non-negotiable. It means you don’t interrupt or simply wait for your chance to speak. Your body language should make clear that your partner has your full, authentic attention, and they are thus safe to be vulnerable. Ask questions and be sure to periodically recap what you’ve heard to make sure you’re on the same page.
Step Two: Acknowledgement
No one — absolutely no one — wants to be dismissed as “over-sensitive” or “dramatic.” It’s invalidating to imply that your partner’s thoughts are wrong or just not worthy of your time. Oftentimes, here is a deeper underlying issue to strong emotional reactions – find out what it is and seek to understand what your partner may be experiencing.
Step Three: Encouraging Each Other
A couple is a team. When you behave as such a unit, validation is a major component. It enables you to support and encourage each other. Once again, it’s not about reflexive agreement. Appreciation is a big way to be present for your partner, even when you see things a little differently.
Validation and Your Relationship
A healthy, happy relationship brings positivity to many aspects of your life and your inner self. When you’re acknowledging and validating each other, it contributes to your overall well-being, confidence, and happiness. If you’d like to know more about how you can improve the way you show up in your relationship, we can help. Our team at onyx is skilled in supporting individuals and couples build strong and resilient relationships.
