Relationships can be hard for those with ADHD or those in a relationship with someone who has ADHD. Because the ADHD brain functions a little differently than a neurotypical brain, it can lead to communication errors, behavioral misunderstandings, emotional turmoil, and more.
However, it’s entirely possible for relationships to thrive when a person with ADHD is involved. If your partner has ADHD, here are some important things to know that can help your relationship.
Know What Your Partner Struggles With
First, it’s important to know the struggles that come with ADHD. People with ADHD experience a variety of symptoms to different degrees. Each person’s experience is unique. Some of the things people with ADHD struggle with include:
– Sudden mood swings
– Impulsive behavior
– Trouble completing tasks
– Trouble managing time
– Difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness
– Restlessness and/or fatigue
– Hyper-focusing to the point of ignoring their own needs and others
– Trouble staying organized
– A heightened sense of perceived rejection
– Black-and-white thinking
The list goes on, but these are some of the most common struggles for people with ADHD. So, how else can you support your ADHD partner?
Don’t Parent Them
Because ADHD is often thought of as a childhood issue, it often gets infantilized to a degree. Others may view the behaviors and symptoms as juvenile. However, it’s important to remember that ADHD is not age-specific, nor are the symptoms and behaviors.
Although your ADHD partner may have trouble remembering to do chores, forget dates or things they were supposed to get at the grocery, etc., it’s not a reflection of their maturity. Try not to parent them about messiness or incomplete tasks. Parenting your partner can make them feel as if you’re trying to control them, which may lead to resentment. Instead, be mindful of their experience with ADHD and focus on encouragement rather than frustrated lecturing.
Make a written list and try doing tasks or chores together. ADHD brains often benefit from “body doubling,” which means they’re more productive with someone else in the room with them.
Communicate Clearly
People with ADHD communicate differently, which can lead to misunderstandings. For instance, if their forgetfulness makes you feel ignored or their distractedness makes you feel like they don’t care about what you have to say, communicate that clearly and calmly. These are things that are a natural part of their life with ADHD and are not personal. Talk to them about it so they can make an effort to be more mindful of it.
This extends to establishing boundaries, too. For instance, if their impulsive problem-solving in response to your venting makes you feel invalidated, communicate to them that you’re just looking to vent and would love their listening ear and support.
But be aware of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). ADHD brains can experience emotional pain after a perceived failure or rejection. When communicating, remind them that you’re in this together and you’re there to support them.
Work With Their Neurodivergency—Not Against It
Just because your partner’s brain operates a little differently doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. In fact, there are tons of mutually beneficial ways to solve common ADHD problems. For instance, if they struggle or forget to make the bed, make it a competition or put some kind of reward on the table. ADHD brains are reward-driven, so the opportunity to earn some extra dopamine is a good motivator.
Additionally, small things like getting an erasable notepad or calendar for the fridge can be beneficial for both of you to remember important dates or keep track of things such as grocery necessities or chores to be done.
If you have a partner with ADHD and aren’t sure how to support them, consider encouraging them to seek therapy, seek therapy yourself, or better yet, attend therapy together. Reach out today and find out how our skilled and qualified therapists can support.
