The general societal expectation is such that a word like “immature” is typically reserved for describing children. In reality, we all know that plenty of adults are emotionally immature. This includes adults who are parents. It doesn’t require discernment and awareness to start a family, so even though we may avoid the subject, plenty of parents are currently not up to the task.
As a result, there are victims of emotionally immature parenting out there — ranging from infants to full-grown adults. The implications are massive as the ripple effect does what it does. Children who do not receive the nurturing they need often grow up into very dysfunctional adults. Let’s take a closer look.
What Do Emotionally Immature Parents Look Like?
Everyone has blind spots and weak points. We all can improve, and many folks — including those who are parents — do well with this. However, when labeling someone as “emotionally immature,” we’re talking about a consistent set of behavioural qualities. For example, this list might include impulsivity, lack of empathy, selfishness, and a reliance on others — including their own children — to do emotional labour. These traits can spring from something called attachment issues.
What Are Attachment Issues?
Every child unconsciously learns how to attach to others based on the attachment style of their parents or primary caregivers. A parent who is insecure, immature, unreliable, distant, or worse can set up their children for many struggles — well into adulthood. A child who doesn’t feel supported and safe will have trouble maturely connecting with others.
Therefore, a major way emotionally immature parents impact children is related to how that child forms attachments throughout their life. This can range from being super needy to living far too independently for someone so young.
Other Outcomes of Growing Up With Emotionally Immature Parents
Immature Social Skills
Immature people have a very hard time navigating the world of social interactions. At every age, such a person may feel awkward, confused, or lonely. Peer pressure is a mighty force in our school years, and without sharp parents to guide them, children can slip into counterproductive social habits that linger into adulthood.
Emotional Dysregulation
Everyone has seen the young kid who acts up in a supermarket. But have you ever wondered if that youngster having a temper tantrum in public ever develops the skill of emotional regulation? With immature caregivers as role models, they absolutely might, but they are at a huge disadvantage. It’s a challenge to not carry unhealthy communication and behaviour issues into their teenage years and then as adults.
Struggles at School and Later at Work
As you can probably imagine by now, children of emotionally immature parents are typically not suited for structured environments. No one is encouraging them, helping them with schoolwork, or later, guiding them to take their work-life seriously. Such a child may brush off the consequences, but without understanding why the same patterns just keep repeating, resentment builds and can lead to the last entry below.
Low Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem, and Self-Worth
Every child craves the comfort of coming home to a safe, encouraging environment. Life can be tough at times, and everyone needs a refuge. Living with emotionally immature parents reduces the likelihood that such nurturing is common. Hence, a child without support can become a child without confidence.
Help is Available, and Attachment Styles Can Be Changed
No child is to blame for their parents’ shortcomings. That said, as they grow, they can ask for help and benefit greatly from the guidance a therapist can offer. People can change how to attach with others and can overcome circumstances that once held them back.
At Onyx, we have a skilled and compassionate team of therapists who provide a safe environment to process and heal from attachment issues. Reach out to our office today for support.
