How You Can Support Your Partner in Times of Stress
A good relationship can be so rewarding. Hopefully, you enjoy each other and your time together – you may even call yourself best friends.
But what about when the unthinkable happens? What if you lose someone close to you, get a serious health diagnosis, or your partner is suffering with addiction?
Here are some tips to support your partner in times of stress, while also taking care of yourself and your relationship.
1. Recognize Your Differences
Whatever you or your partner are going through, you probably won’t handle it exactly the same. For example, one of you might need space for a bit, while the other needs more together-time.
It can be hurtful to feel as if your partner is distant, or that they don’t understand your way of handling things. Keep in mind that while you may be similar in many ways, you also have some differences.
As long as everyone involved is safe, there’s no right or wrong way to cope or heal. Recognize that your partner is different, and may need a little room to adjust in their own way.
Likewise, keep in mind that it’s okay for you to deal differently as well. You may wish to set boundaries or let your partner know what you need from them right now.
2. Communicate Your Feelings, Gently
When you’re both struggling, it might feel a little raw when it comes to communicating about touchy topics. That doesn’t mean that you should hide your feelings or push them away.
You can also take care not to overwhelm your partner when they’re already stressed.
We recommend what experts call a “gentle approach.” This means being thoughtful of how your partner might perceive what you’re saying.
So instead of, “I don’t know why you always shut me out!” you might try, “I’ve been feeling lonely lately sorting through things on my own.”
This switches the conversation from accusing the other to problem-solving together.
3.Make Time For Your Own Needs
It can be easy to forget to take care of yourself. You might be focused on providing for or taking care of everyone else.
In fact, self-care is usually the first thing to go out the window during times of stress. And ironically, that’s when you need it the most!
Instead of dismissing your me-time, think back to the activities or routines that have helped you the most. Perhaps it’s exercising more, or taking a mental health day. What do you really need right now?
Make time for your own breaks, interests, or spirituality. When you’re starting to feel resentful of others, find areas to step back and set boundaries.
4. Plan A “Check-In” Ritual
Particularly if you’re both busy or have kids, it can seem like days or weeks since you’ve had a heart-to-heart with your partner. You don’t have to have one every day, but it can help to make some regular time together.
Some people do this over dinner or breakfast, or at night before they go to sleep. You might make it a little more structured for a while, giving the other their own time to talk while you just listen (and don’t problem-solve).
After a while, the process will become natural. Many couples say this benefits their relationship significantly.
5. See Your Partner’s Positives
If you’re both stressed, it can be easy to fall back on resentments from the past. Things you usually overlook might suddenly seem unbearable.
When that happens, remember what you like about your partner. Think about the positive things that made you fall in love, and picture that person in your mind.
Remember that like you, they are also struggling and vulnerable. In fact, if you’re feeling attacked or misunderstood, there’s a good chance they’re feeling that as well. Try to see them as a friend, especially during times when it’s the hardest.
6. Work As A Team
Even a couple that’s had serious problems can make a powerful team. There are obviously areas of compatibility or you wouldn’t have made it this far.
One way to strengthen this area of your relationship is through quality time. Consider planning some fun, relaxing activities, even if you’re struggling or grieving. This enhances the friendship aspect of your relationship and can give you something to look forward to.
When you’re up to it, you can even set goals together. Where would you like to get to on the other side of this challenge? What values do you both share? What goals would reflect that?
7. Consider Counselling
With so much going on, you may struggle to overcome communication or other challenges. You may not understand your partner’s struggle, or why they don’t get what you’re going through.
In that case, couples therapy may help. We often work with couples going through stressful situations.
We specialize in treatments such as Gottman Method or emotionally focused therapy (EFT). These strategies are shown to help couples deal with difficult situations, including times of crisis, infidelity, stress, grief, and more.
We’ve been there too, and we’re here to help. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and get started.
