The death of an infant just might be the most heartbreaking moment anyone can experience. Whether the loss happens suddenly or after a prolonged illness, such a loss is virtually unimaginable. Yet, despite the jolting nature of this scenario, it’s not exactly rare. Each year, almost 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and another 21,000 babies are stillborn. Meanwhile, about 20,000 infants die before reaching their first birthday.
Traumatic events like this are painful. They require plenty of mourning and grief. Yet, with help, time, and patience, you can learn to cope with this unimaginable loss and pain. Of course, you never forget about the child or even live fully pain-free, but you can move forward in healthy ways.
What Infant Grief and Loss Means to Parents and Their Family
When a baby dies, it takes with it so much potential. You’re left to mourn the child but also that baby’s future with you and others. There are so many experiences that are now impossible. Think of the many loved ones who didn’t even get a chance to meet your child. How does anyone expect you to ever bounce back from this suffering?
At the same time, some well-intentioned souls will try to soothe you by treating the death as if it were a miscarriage or a stillborn birth. These are tragedies, of course, but much different from an infant who dies within the first year of life. In a misguided attempt to ease your pain, and friends may end up invalidating the magnitude of such a loss.
Other family impacts may include:
- Self-blame
- Guilt
- Intense sadness
- The stigma of how outsiders react
- Ensuing relationship strife
In addition, there is so much trauma, grief and loss to process. Quite often, an infant dies after a traumatic birth or birth injury. They undergo lots of medical interventions, and the grief and loss process is exhausting and harrowing. Meanwhile, parents, siblings, grandparents, and other family members are subject to trauma and simply do not know how to respond to the crisis.
Tips for Grieving the Loss of an Infant
- Ask for help. Connect with your support system, join support grief groups, and find a therapist with experience with grief and loss therapy.
- Accept the need to mourn. Don’t feel pressured to “stay strong.” Feel what you need to feel, when you need to feel it. Grieving the loss of a baby is not a linear process and mourning is a deeply personal experience.
- Practice self-care. Don’t allow the grief and loss to cause you to neglect your own needs. Safeguard your sleeping, eating, physical activity, and stress management habits.
- Set realistic expectations: You will not “get over” this experience, and you’ll remain susceptible to being triggered for a long time. Don’t let anyone else set your timetable or agenda on how to deal with this grief and loss..
- Connect to your spiritual life. Whatever this means to you, this can be a source of incredible solace and healing.
- Know that you are healing. The grieving process is a healing process. Even as you weep, feel pain, and experience profound sadness, it is all part of your eventual healing.
Helping Others Get Through This Crisis
If someone you know has lost an infant, please keep in mind:
- Understand that they will need plenty of time and space to grieve and mourn the loss of their baby.
- Ask if they wish to talk about what they’re feeling and how you can support them.
- Be available to provide practical help, e.g., shopping, housework, babysitting, cooking, or helping with paperwork.
- Don’t assume they’ve recovered; keep checking in and being there.
- Show up for them in ways that they need and want like hugs, listening, and even laughs.
You Don’t Have Try to Do This Alone
This is not to say you lack resilience. Rather, it’s a reminder that there are many moving parts to such a recovery. Working with a mental health professional to process your grief and loss is a logical and self-loving choice. Your sessions are a safe space to explore the steps you’ll need to take. Reach out to Onyx today – let us support you through your grief and loss.
