When you’re in a relationship with an emotionally distant partner, you might feel like you’re on a rollercoaster of emotions yourself. Maybe you feel like you’re the only one putting effort into your relationship. You might even feel like your partner is cold and doesn’t really care about you.
The truth is that your partner likely has a hard time understanding your emotions. They might not even be able to fully comprehend or express their own.
Being in a relationship where your partner doesn’t express how they feel can be lonely. When it seems like they don’t respond to your own feelings, it can be hurtful. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be that way forever.
Knowing how to communicate gently and effectively with an emotionally distant partner can make a big difference. Let’s take a look at a few strategies you can use to bridge the gap.
Understand Their World
Before you try to sit down for a conversation with your partner, try to show some empathy. An emotionally distant person isn’t ignoring your feelings because they don’t care. In fact, their lack of emotion might be a defense mechanism.
Maybe they experienced some kind of trauma or abuse or have had negative experiences in childhood or past relationships that have left them guarded. These are things that need to be brought up over time and even with a professional. But don’t go into a conversation assuming the worst about your partner.
Use “I” Statements
When you empathize with your partner, you’re less likely to “attack” them with your needs and wants. Instead of saying things like “you always do this” or “you never do this,” focus on using “I” statements. Say something like, “I feel lonely or hurt when I try to tell you how I’m feeling and you don’t respond.”
Chances are that the last thing your partner wants is for you to feel lonely or have any other negative emotions. Again, they aren’t trying to hurt or invalidate you. So, bringing those issues to their attention in a gentle way can help them realize they need to open up.
Be an Active Listener
When your partner does start to open up about their feelings, choose to be an active listener. Your relationship isn’t a competition. Even if you feel like they don’t always listen to your feelings, give them the respect and care they deserve. The more they realize that their feelings matter, the easier it will be for them to understand your emotions, too.
Active listening isn’t just about hearing what your partner has to say. Use both verbal and non-verbal cues to let them know you’re paying attention. Limit distractions. Ask questions.
Everyone deserves to have their feelings validated, and doing so for your emotionally distant partner can go a long way in helping you become closer.
Create a Safe Space
Your partner might have a harder time talking about their emotions or attempting to understand yours because of negative experiences in the past.
By creating a safe and open space for your communication, you’ll encourage them to open up while letting them know they won’t get hurt. While you shouldn’t force conversations, establishing a safe environment can make it easier to encourage your partner to speak up.
Seek Out Support
There’s no reason why you can’t navigate and overcome communication challenges with an emotionally distant partner. But you also don’t have to tackle these issues alone either. Consider working with a skilled mental health professional, either separately or as a couple. Doing so will help you discover even more effective communication strategies and facilitate conversations.
More importantly, it can help your partner understand where their emotional distance stems from. Don’t hesitate to get the help your relationship deserves, and you can both start to heal.
Reach out to Onyx to schedule an individual adult session or couples counselling session. Our team of trained, experienced, and skilled therapists can support you and your relationship.
