If we’re being honest, not all advice—especially dating advice—is helpful. A quick Google or Reddit search creates more lists and posts about dating advice than you could imagine.
In this article, you’ll learn some dating “advice” that can do more harm than good for one reason or another. However, there are better practices available. Let’s start with one of the most toxic dating ideas:
When You Find “The One,” You’ll Know Right Away
Why It’s Harmful:
This piece of dating advice is harmful for a lot of reasons. For every romance story that begins with “love at first sight,” there are a dozen more about starting as friends. It’s not always easy to know right off the bat if you’ve found that person or not.
Sometimes, it takes a couple or even several dates to get to know a person. First impressions are important, but giving someone a chance is just as important—unless you see red flags.
It’s often said that you’ll instantly know, or it will be a magical feeling when you’ve found “the one.” This is often called “love at first sight.” Unfortunately, for most, that’s not the case. Fortunately, love at first sight isn’t necessary for a healthy, lasting relationship.
What’s the Better Advice?
There’s nothing wrong with not knowing after the first date if you’ve found your life partner. Let’s face it, first dates are usually awkward. You want to find that balance of being yourself, but you also want to make a good first impression.
Unless there’s a major red flag, something bad happens, or you have a big gut feeling you can’t shake, it’s okay to go on multiple dates before knowing if you want to continue seeing the person. Which in turn leads to knowing whether or not you’ve found your person.
Milestone Timelines
Why It’s Harmful:
This is a broad one, but it applies to almost every aspect of the relationship. It’s okay to set general goals for a relationship. But it can be detrimental to a relationship when you start setting an expectation to be engaged, married, having children, etc., by “X” date or age. It can also be harmful to your mental health.
Our relationship goals change over time—and that’s okay and perfectly normal. It’s easy to have ages you want milestones to happen by, but they put unnecessary pressure on you and any potential partner.
What’s the Better Advice?
Talk to your partner. Be honest about what your relationship goals or expectations are. Do you want to have children? Get married? Buy a house? Those are all perfectly normal things to want in life. Discuss that with your partner and see what their overall thoughts are. This will help you feel less stressed about hitting milestones and focus on growing your relationship and connection with your partner.
Opposites Attract
Why It’s Harmful:
When dating, if you don’t have the same interests, it’s common to hear “opposites attract.” Finding someone who is the exact opposite of you in all aspects is most likely a perfect storm or a recipe for disaster. While it’s not always a dealbreaker, certain things can be. There’s a big difference between dealbreakers and just not liking all of the same things.
What’s the Better Advice?
It’s important to have some common interests with a partner. It’s very important to share the same values. In a relationship, you should still have things you do away from your partner, like spending time with friends, hobbies, etc. You should also make sure you have things to do with your partner. Whether it’s watching a TV show together, going out to dinner, or trying new things, common interests give you quality time with your partner and help you appreciate them.
Dating in this day and age can be challenging. If you are struggling to navigate the dating scene, talking with a therapist can help. They can steer you clear of unhelpful advice and point you toward healthy dating habits.
At Onyx, we have skilled and competent therapists who are trained to navigate relationships. Call our office for an appointment today and let’s support you on your dating journey.
