Effective communication is essential for any healthy relationship. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be easier said than done. Maybe a lack of healthy communication was the downfall of your marriage, or maybe it just didn’t help matters as you were struggling with other issues.
Whatever the case, building good communication skills during a divorce is important. It can help you end things more amicably and can pave the way for a healthier future with your former spouse, especially if you have children.
But, again, building those skills might seem easier said than done – but not impossible. Let’s cover a few things you can do to build good communication skills during your divorce. You might find that the entire process goes smoother because of it.
Check Your Temper
Emotions can run high during a divorce, and you might be stressed and “on edge” more often when you know you have to talk to your spouse. Choose not to communicate when you feel angry, frustrated, stressed, or sad. It’ll be much too easy for your temper to flare during those moments of heavy emotion, and you might end up saying something you later regret.
Instead, ask your spouse if you can postpone your conversation to a later time when you’re feeling calm. It’s a good rule of thumb to ask them for the same kind of respect. The last thing you need is to be on the other end of insults or a raised voice just because your ex isn’t feeling their best.
Pick the Best Mode of Communication
Some former couples will have no problem meeting in person for a chat. For others, that’s not the best route. Meeting in person or even talking on the phone can trigger angry outbursts. Decide on the healthiest form of communication that allows you both to talk about what’s necessary without talking excessively and risking an argument.
For some, that might be a phone conversation or chatting online. You might even want to consider using an app specifically designed for co-parenting if you have kids.
Avoid Social Media Bashing
We live in a world inundated with social media. It can be a great way to stay connected with people, but far too many use it as a sounding board for things going on in their personal lives.
Social media is a form of communication, and if you use it to publicly say things about your former spouse, you’re likely going to do more harm than good. You could hinder healthy communication, and you run the risk of them doing the same to you and essentially starting a “social media” war.
Keep your private life to yourself, or share with friends and family, and avoid passive-aggressive messages. Instead, communicate directly with your former spouse.
Set Emotional Boundaries
One of the most important things you can do during a divorce is to take care of yourself. That includes prioritizing your mental well-being. If you know you’ll have to directly communicate with your ex, set clear boundaries ahead of time.
Remember, you’re not “with” that person anymore. It’s easy to fall back into the same patterns that you had with each other. However, you don’t have to try to rehash the same fights you had as a couple. That relationship has ended. It’s important that your former partner also knows that, so you can communicate about the future, rather than the past.
Boundaries will also help your ex-spouse to know what they can and can’t do around you. They might not immediately respect those boundaries, but the more you stick with them, the more likely your ex will be to understand and oblige.
Healthy communication during a divorce is possible, but you both have to be willing to make healthy and effective choices. Keep these ideas in mind, consider sharing them with your former spouse, and improve the way you interact until the divorce is finalized.
Seek Help
Ex-partners can choose to seek therapy, even when separated or divorced, to establish healthy communication. This is not as uncommon as you think. Counselling is an effective tool to build and enhance those communication skills so you can be better co-parents and functioning adults.
Reach out to Onyx to see if therapy is a good fit.
