Communication is key in any relationship. Having strong and effective communication may not mean you’ll entirely avoid conflict or uncomfortable conversations. Instead, it means you can get through those challenging times much smoother together.
Some individuals like to participate in the blame game when they’re in conflict with someone else. While “game” is in the name, this isn’t a fun and interactive experience. In fact, it’s completely the opposite. You don’t want to get caught up playing the blame game. Here’s how pointing fingers worsens conflict.
How Blame Worsens Conflict
Avoiding Taking Responsibility
When you blame others, you avoid taking responsibility for your actions and behaviours. While this may make you feel better in the short term, this type of behaviour can actually hurt you in the long run. If you never take responsibility for your own actions and behaviours, you’ll never learn, grow, and improve upon these mistakes or life lessons.
Emotional Distress
Playing the blame game can lead to anger, frustration, and even resentment for both parties involved. Playing the blame game can be a vicious cycle. Problems and conflicts will never be resolved, and tension can build up until it becomes impossible to repair.
Missed Opportunities
If you constantly look at someone as the source of your problems, you limit your ability to self-reflect. It’s important to remember that no one is perfect. Making mistakes or owning up to them doesn’t always have to be a bad thing or mean that you failed. Those mistakes can become life lessons that help you learn, improve, and grow. Not being able to acknowledge your own mistakes can lead to a lack of self-improvement and missed opportunities in the future.
Loss of Control
When you partake in the blame game, the lack of accountability and responsibility also means a lack of control. Depending on how they respond to the accusations and blame, you’re placing all responsibility and control in someone else’s hands.
Relationship Struggles
Blaming someone else, especially placing the blame on someone close to you, like a family member, friend, or romantic partner, can lead to other issues in the relationship. It will become more challenging to get through tough times together. It can also create more conflict within the relationship you share. If blaming is involved, it can lead to resentment and a lack of trust, hindering your relationship from becoming stronger or better over time.
How to Communicate Effectively
Instead of playing the blame game, you can work on healthier alternatives to benefit you and your relationships moving forward. Here are a few of the different ways that you can work to communicate more effectively without playing the blame game:
Be Open and Honest
Being open and honest about your wants, needs, and concerns can help you avoid blaming others. No matter how difficult the conversation may be, speaking up about how you’re feeling is important. This ensures that you and the other person are always on the same page.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
Looking inward can help you acknowledge how your actions and behaviours impact yourself and others. Take responsibility for your actions instead of always looking to push the blame onto someone else.
Seek Professional Help
Relationships involve a little give and take. No matter how similar you and the other person are, conflict is bound to happen at one point or another. You may not be able to avoid conflict entirely, but you can ensure the conflict doesn’t worsen.
If you’re having difficulty communicating effectively, an outside third party may be able to assist. Working with a mental health professional can help you reduce that blame, take more ownership over your own actions and behaviours, and improve your relationships.
Reach out to our office to get started on working with a skilled and experienced therapist.
